Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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