Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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