Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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