you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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