You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
