Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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