it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I understand Curling. That high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
