Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
