I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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