I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
