Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
