Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
