I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
