you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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