Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
