I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
