just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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