What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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