Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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