so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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