Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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