bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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