I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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