I accidentally burped into my bong.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
