so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
