So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
