are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
