I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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