I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
