Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
