I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
