Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
