I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
