It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
