Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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