Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
