are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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