great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
