my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
