Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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