i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
