i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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