i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
