they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
