I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
