I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
