hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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