I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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