I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We got so high we made milksteak
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
