Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
