update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
