we have pet lesbian snakes
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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